Seeking a “Cinderella” type pumpkin I bought some unique sounding seeds that promised to grow in to a squash that looks kinda like a “Cinderella” pumpkin. These were Musquee de Provence seeds.
I am excited for them. I have several little, tiny, itty-bitty pumpkins on the vines already. I didn’t however read specifically about this type of squash before buying, planting and growing them, so I looked them up just now.
It’s that time of year again. That time of year when everything on the internet should come with a trigger warning. The time of year when I can’t open Facebook without seeing everyone’s profile photos changed to photos of the American flag, the Twin Towers or a post with some overly Patriotic bullshit from people whom you’d least expect it from.
My PTSD is still apparent in every thing I do in my life. I don’t know how people who were in the buildings and got out in time deal with it. Or the people who didn’t go to work that day for some reason. Or the people who lost their loved ones.
It’s a day when people here, in California, where I now live, where I escaped to following 9/11 and the military state that followed in NYC, are so fucking clueless and insensitive that I should really just plan on not ever coming to work on this day ever for the rest of my life.
I wrote the following last year. I’ve written down my memories of this day over the years. I can’t write it again. Not this year.
Every so often a friends name and a memory of them pops in to my head. Today it happened a couple times.
A short while ago I thought of Mara Ciereszynski, whom I met through Nerve.com ten years ago.
She used to live in this great old building that overlooks Dolores Park. At the time she seemed to have a tendency of losing her cell phone. One day I left a long roll of string with cups on either end at her buildings front door so she could “call me” if she needed to. The memory made me smile, so I went to her FB page.
Mara passed away in June 2010.
I had no idea.
Time passes so quickly sometimes and you miss opportunities to reach out to people you care about.
I’m sorry Mara, I guess I lost my end of the string.
Baruch dayan ha’emet.
In response to this post, which I also posted on my FB page, a wise friend said, “Think of it this way. If you’d never checked, never found out, you would have never had the chance to open your heart and allow her spirit inside.”